OK! This is the second time this post was typed, the first time, opera crashed when the post was almost finished, I don't know what English word can express that feeling, but it took me 3 days before I can sit down and retype it.
Two years in the university, the more I learn, the more ignorance I found myself used to be. I was very humble in term of skills and experience, the figure I dream to be is so far to reach. This semester I saw my friends got many achievements in academic and social activity. I have none, I ignore chances that come to me, just like my energy has vanished.
Last semester we've done our first project since university. The course is "Programming on window". There is not much too learn in that course though, our class level has long surpassed the requirement of that course. Hence that project was rather a test for our organization skills, rather than our academic skill. And in that point of view, I have fail this test badly. My project went one month longer that I expected (thankfully teacher postpone the death line, otherwise it's have been disastrous), but it emerged only 80% completed with so many unresolved bugs and not-yet-implement features. It scored a 10 anyway, but 10 mean little here, my class got so many ten.
The problem lie in the way I use my time and my effort, the way I approach the project's problem. Though I devoted a lot of times into this project, I got distraction now and then, I didn't dig deep enough about the project's problem, and choose the hardest way to do it (this may due to the lack of knowledge and experience)
On the social activity, it is even worse. The "social working team" in my campus was formed. I didn't join it, for some fucking reason that I kept saying that I should devote time for the academic activity though I knew that my academic activity is sucking up.
Let personal feeling interfere with campus activity is not a wise thing to do. Sometimes your feeling is right, sometimes it's wrong. Sometimes, you will have to neglect it completely for better sake